Shitty Cinema

Paul Blart Mall Cop - Capitalism Month

If you say "blood fart" 11 times in a row, you'll have a stroke and won't have to go to work. I promise.

Real Genius - Back to School Month

We aren't scientists, but we sure know when enough popcorn is enough!

Kindergarten Cop 2 - Back to School Month

Dolph Lundgren channels your weird racist uncle, Casey brings juice boxes of apple pie moonshine!

Kindergarten Cop - Back to School Month

Schwarzenegger titillates with ferret play and babysitting! Don't forget to do background check people!

The Substitute 2 - Back to School Month

Treat Williams and B.D. Wong ask the hard questions: It's ten pm, do you know where your kids are at?

The DaVinci Code - Read 'Em Then Weep Month

Once again, Juice flirts with danger in the form of a bloated Tom Hanks getting Jesusy.

The Three Musketeers - Read 'Em Then Weep Month

Cocaine cowboys invade Disney! Dave delights with the dying gasps of four washed up men's careers!

Congo - Read 'Em Then Weep Month

Jay almost sells out the gang to monkeys and Laura Linney gets her period.

50 Shades Darker - Read 'Em Then Weep Month

Books were never so sexy! This week we learn how wasps have sex and Ben Wa balls are never bought, but passed in a highlanderlike tradition.

Swept Away - Don't Quit Your Day Job Month

Juice is almost kicked out of Sh.Tty Cinema for bringing Madonna starring in an Italian rape fantasy. Curse you Guy Ritchie!